In My Wildest Dreams...

April 19, 2016 9 PM

It's getting late. I'm on my bed right now. I'm so tired, but my evening can't be over yet. I can't sleep right now because I still have to study. I am guilty of not studying for exams. Aren't we all? How can someone be mad though when they find out they got a bad grade because they didn't study? They only have them self to blame. I have started to get really lonely. The cycle is starting all over again. I don't want to feel this emptiness. I don't want to feel like I feel nothing. I want to feel something beautiful. I want to feel bliss. Is there anyone out there who is listening to me? I started this cycle where I started distancing myself from people. I started to push them away because I believe that I deserve better. I'm hard on myself too. I don't feel good enough about myself. Just look at me. I look like a stereotypical nerd, but I am not actually one. There is only one person who can make me feel like something. Although they make me feel like I'm something, sometimes they joke around with me. They can take their jokes a little far sometimes. When I feel a certain way about myself, someone's words that were unintentionally not supposed to harm me just goes to confirm my insecurities and doubts about myself.  It hurts. It hurts. We are on break. What does he even mean? We never talked about it. I don't know my mind started running circles. My spirits are ruined, and I somehow want to do wild things with people now. I don't know. In the back of mind, I know I maybe would do them if I got the chance to, but I just look like a stereotypical nerd. I look like the shy and quiet girl. "I could obviously never do anything wild." It's like he kept me sane. He made me into a better person. I am going to try and have hope. I hope for the better that he won't leave. I am so conflicted though. 

Thanks for reading! Leave a comment below and tell me what you think. I would also love to hear any suggestions or requests on what I should blog next.




                               As always,

                                                Lisa :)