My so Called Friends

February 3rd, 2015

I just finished writing about my day. I just realized it is Tuesday and that means Dance Moms and Kate Plus 8 is on tonight! I don’t know if I am going to watch but just realizing that those two shows are on tonight just makes me feel so excited and happy. The top two emotions that I feel this school year are often lonely and bored. I feel bored like there’s nothing exciting or anything to look forward to. I have friends and people around me but I still feel like the loneliest person. I’m surrounded by “friends” who use me, don’t need me, etc. For example, Rachel is a girl in my earth science class. Every time after class, when she sees her other friends she just ditches me. She could introduce me to her friend, include me in the conversation, or something but no she always leaves me at my words. It is like she only uses me because she has no one else in the class to talk to. Often times and more often than I would like we come across the wrong people. I really just haven’t met my group of friends at school. As much as I like talking about hair or makeup to a girl named Salma we don’t have much of a connection. No one has truly gotten to know who I am. Everyone is so quick to judge and think I am some weird girl who just talks to everyone. What is wrong with talking to everyone anyway? One of my favorite quotes is “A stranger is a friend that you just haven’t met yet”. I think it is so true. I just wished more people thought of it like that. It is not weird at all to start a conversation with someone you don’t know at all.

February 16th, 2015

Who do I even have anymore? I honestly feel so lonely. I am not alone though. There is a difference from being alone and feeling lonely. When you are alone, you are by yourself. When you feel lonely, you can be surrounded by so many family and friends but still feel lonely. It is that connection with people you are missing. I don’t know if I am explaining it clearly, but I hope you sort of understand. I talk to so many people in a usual school day. I would not consider those people I talk to real friends. They are more like acquaintances. I have so many people in my life so I could not possibly be feeling lonely. That is wrong! I realized it is quality that matters rather than quantity. I could have a thousand friends but if none of them are real friends, I do not think I want to keep those “friends”. I just have not felt right in so long. Some people have left my life, and I do not even know why other people are still staying in my life because I do not think they even matter. It is such a battle. I have to put up with so much: people who use me, people who take advantage of me, people who do not even put in the effort, etc. Well, the first two I listed are similar. There are people who ask why I do not text them but they never even text me first.

Some days I don’t even know how I feel anymore. I’m kind of sick of putting a smile on my face and acting like everything is okay. Lately, I have been a bitch to people because I am just so sick of their shit. I wish I could say this to people because it is the truth. However, they would just hate me. I say I don’t care what people think of me, but I think I am just lying to myself. At times, I just want to be liked by other people. This was just a small rant of how I have been feeling. I have been holding it in for too long. 

Thanks for reading! Leave a comment below and tell me what you think. I would also love to hear any suggestions or requests on what I should blog next.

                               As always,
                                                Lisa :)